Respect in the Martial Arts by KJN Ronald W. Stone

Respect in the Martial Arts by Grand Master Ronald W. Stone

One definition of respect in general might be to demonstrate a due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others, or to have a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something because of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

In other words, It simply means to hold someone or something in esteem, or high regard; or to have a high opinion, reverence, admiration, or appreciation of them.  Words such as    honoring, approbation, approval, praise, or paying homage are used to describe such behavior.

There is a very common saying: “Respect is reciprocal, and it is not commanded, it is earned.”  This simply means that you usually get the same respect as you give out. Since showing respect to others show that you value them, it automatically builds up their trust.  Therefore, it is a step to being polite. You must respect others. When you respect others, you become more humble, dutiful, polite, and courteous.

Respect multiples:

One thing being respectful does is that it multiplies. If you have a neutral group, when someone starts communicating with others respectfully, others will soon follow. It will then multiply to all in that group.

It will also bleed out to people outside of the group. (i.e. promote a good reputation)

Why is respect important?

Receiving respect from others is important because it helps us all to feel safe and to express ourselves freely.

Since children learn by example being respected by important people in our lives while growing up teaches us how to be respectful toward others.  Respect in our relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing.

Respect also means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they’re different from you or you don’t agree with them.

Respect doesn’t always come naturally; it is something that must be learned.  Sometimes in fact, the survival of a group will depend on their respect for the leader.   The military has always known this. A group who has lost respect for its commander will automatically become ineffective.  Anyone who has ever been in any type of class will instantly remember that when the class failed to have respect for the teaching it was almost impossible to be taught or to learn anything.

Since the martial arts function similarly to the military culture from which they evolved there is one main principle that is fundamental and integral to all the others: respect – showing it and earning it.  The considerate, self-controlled, active-listening, respectful way instructors, staff, and students conduct training and interactions usually have a powerful effect on a student’s outlooks and other aspects of their lives.

It should be remembered however that respect is individually defined for each person through personal experience and has a definite cultural aspect to it.  Those martial arts that developed in the East demonstrated respect for rank authority, age, and experience by bowing.  

Much as it would be disrespectful for a private in the army top pass a general without saluting, the martial arts bow is one of the first lessons in respect taught to a new student.

A disrespectful bow can get one in trouble much as a sloppy or purposely disingenuous salute can in the military.

“In martial arts, one of the first things you learn is to bow. It symbolizes respect: respect for your fellow students, for your instructor, for the studio, etc. Respect is the foundation of your learning. As you advance through the ranks, you must keep a sharp mind and discipline to perform to your highest capacity. The second you start to lose respect for one another, you not only become sloppier, but you are missing what the core of martial arts is about.” Neha Joshi

It should be remembered that our personal definitions of respect are influenced by our personality, emotions, preferences, and cultural context. These elements may be difficult to define in the clearest and most objective terms.  

People with and without disabilities may have difficulty describing and explaining personal criteria for respect. We often learn about these things only over time through relationships with them. Respect requires working to understand each person’s individual expectations. As we get to know people and build shared experiences respect and understanding will grow.

Everything we do, say, and provide to others makes a statement about our regard for them.  Derogatory language or facial expressions can show a lack of respect.  Such compliments as please and thank you, or well done on the other hand express admiration and respect that will hopefully become mutual.

Respect however is not the same as either slavish obedience or simple fake politeness.  Having sincere respect for someone means you don’t say one thing to his or her face and another behind his or her back in secret. Nor does it require absolute acquiescence to a person (even an authority figure) who asks you to do something you believe to be illegal or morally wrong.  Remember self-respect is as important as mutual respect.  You cannot respect others who force you to lose respect for yourself.

Respect therefore is inherent to martial arts and is one of the fundamental qualities that a martial artist must develop.

Recognizing achievement and earned respect:

Only when you respect those who are experienced (have practiced martial arts and have the expertise in it), and those who are in a higher rank (who have proven their expertise), will you earn the eligibility to even learn martial arts.  The Martial Arts teach you to respect not just another person, but also yourself. The belief here is that you need to have self-respect to be able to give respect to another person. Students are encouraged to develop self-respect by taking care of their appearance and etiquette. It is the student’s responsibility to stay tidy and wear clean martial arts uniforms and maintain cleanliness in their own homes and classes. Students are also encouraged to groom themselves to stay healthy and hygienic. Poor eating habits, lack of discipline, smoking, over consumption of alcohol etc. also indicate lack of self-respect.  

It should be noted here that physical demonstrations of fraud, such as the wearing of higher uniforms than rank deserved, creating false ranks to promote one’s own greed and ego, and a lack of study and training while claiming high rank are one of the most disrespectful things that you can do to the art itself and to those who have truly out in the years and efforts to earn them.

WAYS TO DEMONSTRATE RESPECT:

1.  Service:

An important element in showing respect is service to others. Serving shows that you believe others are valuable.

2. Show kindness:

It is difficult to serve without kindness and impossible to be kind and not serve. People naturally show kindness to a person of worth. So, when you show kindness to others it shows you ascribe significance to them.

3. Assert:

This should not be confused with flattery which is often hollow. Respectful assertion is more complete. This just a simply means showing that you value another person. It may be just as simple as saying something positive about that person. 

4. Listen with genuine interest to others:

Whenever possible pay the utmost attention to others when they are talking to you. As much as you would like your voice to be heard, allow others’ voices to be heard also.

5. Share:

Sharing is another way of demonstrating respect. When you share your resources, it depicts that you value the other person. You can share your time, materials, knowledge, space, and other things.

6. Be polite:

Use words such as please, sorry, and thank you, and mean them. Let your words and actions portray politeness to others. You never can tell; your polite acts could make somebody’s day.

7. Show gratitude:

Count everything that is done to you as a favor and show gratitude for it. It shouldn’t matter if the act is big or small. What should matter is that the act is done, and it must be appreciated. Make it a part of you to thank others.

Other ways to show respect include:

• Give more than you get

• Cause no harm

• Keep your word

• Maintain integrity

• Help others

• Be fair to all

• Be genuine

• Mean your words

• Be humble

• Don’t gossip

In other words, live by the tenets of the Martial Arts.

About the author: R.W. Stone is currently a practicing veterinarian in Central Florida.  He is an avid horseman, a master ranked martial artist, a best-selling western author, and a firearms enthusiast. After joining a martial arts school in 1970 Stone started studying Yudo with a Korean grandmaster.  He eventually became a member of the Judo team of the University of Illinois.  It was at the University that a Korean classmate and friend introduced him to Tae Kwon do.  After graduating veterinary college, he found the martial arts becoming too sports oriented and eventually after moving from Miami to Central Florida he sought out a Hapkido grandmaster. Currently Stone is ranked 8th dan in Haemukwan Hapkido, a 4th dan in Daehan Yudo and a second dan in Kukki Taekwondo.  He is the Hapkido instructor at the American Dragon Martial Arts Academies. 

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